


I Can See In Your Eyes (What Could've Been)

by happywriter16



Category: Crazy Rich Asians (2018)
Genre: Canon Character of Color, Character Study, Female Character of Color, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-20 05:56:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17017017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happywriter16/pseuds/happywriter16
Summary: "Besides my children, this is my legacy to the world."





	I Can See In Your Eyes (What Could've Been)

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't read the book but saw the movie because I've had a crush on Constance Wu for years, Henry Golding's fine self was in the movie, and plus representation matters. I decided to write this because I was curious about Nick's dad (though he's only briefly in this) and throughout the entire movie I kept wanting more on Eleanor's motivation for treating Rachel so poorly.

"She reminds me of you. I thought that when you described her. Now that I’ve met her, I really see it,” Philip tells his wife as he settles into bed. There’s a small smile on his face as she watches him watch her. 

Eleanor stops brushing her hair and makes eye contact with him thru the mirror. "She's nothing like me." At one time that would've come from a place of meanness, fear. Now she can admit the truth. "She's braver than me, then and now."

"One, you've survived this family, my family. Two, you should tell her that."

Eleanor doesn’t answer, just goes back to brushing her hair. He doesn’t say anything in response, just smiles one last time at her before picking up the book on his bedside table.

She doesn't think she was brave when she accepted Philip’s proposal. She was desperately in love and scared of losing him. He wasn't like any of the other men she'd dated. He loved her, all of her, and told her he didn't expect her to give anything up. She knew he wouldn't give up his family for her. She didn't expect him to or want him to. So when he proposed despite his mother's objection, she accepted and acquiesced to his mother's attitude. He didn’t want to make the choice. He could’ve easily not proposed but he did leaving their fate in her hands. Maybe deep down he knew what her choice would be, what any good Chinese woman would do. 

She vowed to make Su Yi like her. She could do it. A challenge. Like Cambridge. At times she thinks she’s succeeded. 

When she gets into bed next to him, he kisses the top of her head and she thinks of their earliest days. 

 

"Nick’s father and I will be in England. There’s a symposium at Cambridge we’re going to attend. We want you and Nick to come. Its summer so I presume you are free."

Rachel didn’t expect an invitation after Eleanor said she had called to speak to her. Just calling to speak to her about the weather would’ve been just fine. While they have gotten along better than when they met during Colin and Araminta’s wedding, an invitation to visit with them in England was surprising.

"When?"

"In 2 weeks. I hope that is enough time. Phillip and I, of course will arrange for your travel and stay. You and Nick will not have to worry about anything."

“We’d love to,” Rachel responds.

“Wonderful,” Eleanor tells her and Rachel swears she can hear the smile in her voice. 

 

Nick doesn’t believe Rachel at first when she tells him about his mother’s call. When he finally does, he beams at her and is reminded how she made the right decision when she turned down his first proposal. She couldn’t take him from his mother. 

 

It’s the day before the symposium and Eleanor had asked Rachel to come with her to the law library on the Cambridge’s grounds after breakfast. They make small talk on the way over and it’s nice, nice to not be on edge waiting for some backhand compliment. 

The Squire Law library is within the David Williams School of Law. Once inside they are greeted warmly by an older gentleman who looks fondly at Eleanor. 

“Eleanor,” the gentleman says, extending his hands. 

“David,” Eleanor says, allowing David to take her hand to press a kiss to the back of her hand. “It’s lovely to see you again.”

“It’s a pleasure as always.”

“This is my daughter.” There’s a pause before Eleanor continues with, “She and Nick were recently married.” There’s always the pause like Eleanor can’t yet just say daughter but won’t say daughter-in-law either because Nick hates it when she says Rachel is her daughter-in-law.

“Congratulations, my dear.”

“Thank you.”

“The room is clear. You are of course welcome to stay as long as you would like.”

“Thank you, David.”

They take the elevator to the second floor, walk between a long table and bookshelves before stopping in front of a set of large, wood double doors. 

"Besides my children, this is my legacy to the world."

Above the room's door are gold letters that read Eleanor Young Reading Room. "I spent a lot of time here. The room is for law students earning their Ph.D. I wrote my thesis in this room. I defended my dissertation and received the highest grade ever in the history of the university. You can imagine how that went over during that time. I was one of very few women and there were even less minorities than women. A few years ago they decided to name it after me after students petitioned that it be named for someone that would be a recognition of the efforts of non-white and female students.”

“What an honor,” Rachel tells her Eleanor, genuinely impressed that Eleanor received such an honor. Rachel couldn’t imagine how she would’ve been able to do what Eleanor did in a less than hospitable environment. 

There are armchairs in the room. Eleanor takes a seat in one closest to the window. She looks dreamily out of it, an expression that Rachel can’t help staring at, finding it strange on Eleanor’s face. After awhile she turns to Rachel, who has taken the seat across from her. 

"I could’ve done so much given the constraints of the times. But I didn’t. I gave it all up. And overall, I was fine with the choice that’s I’d made,” Eleanor states while looking out at the campus. “Of course,” she turns to face Rachel then, pauses before continuing with, “throughout life things will come up and make you question if you truly made the right choice. You were one of those things. I looked at you and wasn’t so sure. The way you presented, how Nick looked at you, what he told me about you. I felt defensive; perhaps I'd made the wrong choice. You marrying Nick would forever remind me of that. That’s what I thought when I met you. Turns out I was right.”

Rachel can’t help it; she shrinks a little on herself, feels the need to say, “I’m sorry.” What does one say to a confession like that?

“No,” Eleanor says as she reaches out to take Rachel’s hand. Rachel can count on one hand the number of times that has happened. It always surprises her how warm Eleanor’s hands are as she wraps her fingers around Rachel’s hand. “You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s was my own fears and insecurities. You'll understand the fear, some of it, when you become a parent. I wondered if I had made the right choice to marry and then it was right to give Nick away. I’ve never stopped thinking that one day I will lose him forever. Nick had been away so long. I just saw you as keeping him away longer.”

“I am not keeping him away.”

“I know.” Eleanor laughs, “I actually think I talk to him more now than before I met you.” Rachel smiles. “Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you are brave, braver than I ever was, and I am sorry."

Rachel doesn’t think about it, just takes Eleanor's hand in both of hers and scoots to the edge of her seat. "You are brave. You went to law school in this country when not many looked like you. You thought it was best for Nick because it’s hard to love someone when their family doesn’t love you back.”

“And you would know something about that.”

“Just a little something.”

Silence descends, the women reflecting on what just occurred before the door slide open.

“Oh, sorry,” one of the young women says upon entering the room. “We thought the room was empty.”

The women pull apart to stand. Eleanor smiles at the young women, all minorities. “No apologies necessary. We are finished here.”

In the elevator, Rachel remarks, “You did that. All those young women.” 

Eleanor thinks she didn’t make the mark on the world she thought she would yet what she did do, is something to be proud of.


End file.
